Random Thoughts by Shelley: A foundation of friends

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when you discover that someone else believes in you and is willing to trust you with a friendship. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Week 11 in 49 Weeks ‘til I’m 50 – Ready, Set, it’s all about A FOCUSed plan to get there! Foundation – Family/Friends

Can you believe it, here we are March is upon us? Where did February go? It seems that life is passing by so quickly. Then I think about the weather and the length of the relentlessness of the cold and snow and wonder if it really is going by that quickly after all? I don’t know about you, but if I didn’t have my family and friends to help get through this long winter, I’d be lost. Lucky for me, our relationships are relentless, rewarding, and they continue to bring warmth to my soul.

Human beings are lucky that way. We are the mammals who can connect with each other on levels deeper than any other mammal. As we age, our ability to remain connected through different generations is the reward of old age. I’ve been reading the book,
“What are Old People For?” http://www.amazon.com/What-Are-Old-People-For/dp/1889242209

I’m not very far into the book. It is a fairly thick book guess there’s a lot to say about this topic. Being too thick to fit on the book holder on my treadmill, I read it in short bursts here and there. I’m currently on the chapter on how as mammals, we are the only ones who continue to have longevity after our fertility is lost. As the author states, “The human female possesses a nearly fifty-year longevity bonus that follows the end of fertility…Our postreproductive longevity is a remarkable and distinctly human characteristic.” That’s wonderful news to those of us who are approaching the milestone of menopause! During our first fifty years, we form many relationships. Then we get to enjoy them even longer!

Our ability to connect with other human beings is a true foundation for well-being. We are nurtured as we grow by the relationships we have. An absence of the closeness creates a loss of the gift we have as being a human. At this stage in my life, I’m truly grateful to be able to look back and to look forward at the same time.

What are my foundations? Family and Friends

As humans, we are born into a family. Our family nurtures us as we grow. Some families struggle and some thrive. I was blessed to experience both. My parents thrived in raising my brother and me. They were always there for us. The struggles in life got the best of their relationship and their marriage didn’t survive. They remained true to our family and us kids. They never let their divorce get in the way of raising us with love. My brother was and remains a dear friend to me. My dad continues to this day to encourage us and help us grow. While my mom has left our lives, she continues on in our memories. I’m thankful for all of them for the foundation they give me.

Growing up, foundations learned at home, encourage us to branch out and discover friends. Friendships help you grow. There’s a building of your self-confidence, and you in turn do the same for your friends. Sometimes, friendships don’t last. Sometimes they last for a life-time. I’m lucky to have experienced both. I have a few close friends from the early years (aka, middle school – high school) that I stay in touch with. Not as often as we should, but when we do connect, it’s like we were never apart. I even have some friends who I never thought we’d grow apart, but we have. For that I am sad, but I do understand life changes us all. My hope is that it was life that threw the curve ball into the relationship and not something that I did or said that caused the distance. If it was me, I hope the day will come to make peace and continue on with the friendship.

Outside of my family, the longest lasting relationship I have is with my husband. We have the real deal type of relationship. This year we will celebrate our 25^th wedding anniversary. Our commitment to each other on our wedding day, so many years ago, has grown deeper and richer over the years. The speed of life definitely throws us with crazy curve balls. When those moments get the best of us, we stop and remind each other that those obstacles can’t break “us” they can only challenge “us” to persevere. The “us” is more important than anything we’re struggling with.

When you meet the right person, together, you can endure all the things we do as humans. Falling in love, marriage, building a home, career building, paying off debt, child-birth, raising kids, losing job(s), redesigning your careers, taking care of elderly parents, death, peri-menopause, balancing work and life, sitting for hours talking, or simply sitting in silence enjoying the companionship. My husband is my best friend. I continue to look forward to every phase of our lives together.

My family foundation grew beyond my husband when we were blessed with two beautiful children, or now I should say, young adults. The parent child relationship is rewarding beyond words. The excitement when you first find out your pregnant. The first butterflies of movement of the infant growing inside you. There’s nothing like the breath-taking moment when you get to hold the baby for the first time after childbirth. Every moment makes the journey truly a miracle.

Looking back, to the early days I couldn’t have imagined a more rewarding experience. Now, I see, that was just the beginning. Each milestone they went through, each challenge they encountered and overcame, was just as rewarding for me as it was for them. Watching them discover their independence and become who they are meant to be is what parenting is all about. They are truly inspiring to me. They help me grow every day.

At this stage in life, I think the best relationships are the ones where it is hard to find the distinct lines of friends versus family. When you have friends that are like family and family like friends, you’ve arrived at a unique point in life. There’s a sense of trust and belief in each other through the thick and the thin of life.

As my kids were growing up, branching out and discovering friends, I was lucky to join them. The friendships I gained during their growing up years have blessed me with friends that are like family. When our kids were little, we helped them grow into young ladies. When the young ladies were going through puberty and discovering who they were, for a variety of reasons, they began to grow apart. That’s part of growing up, sometimes you’ll stay friends, and sometimes you won’t stay friends. Their first real fight, we realized that it was important for the girls to work it out, we couldn’t intervene. We couldn’t make them play nice, we couldn’t tell them to apologize and we couldn’t tell them how to be. We had to help them grow through it on their own. We had to let go, it wasn’t our place to make it right. They had to become who they wanted to be, and it is okay they aren’t choosing each other. Maybe someday, they’ll reconnect, maybe they won’t. We had to be okay with the new course in their relationship. We had a choice to make despite the distance growing between our kids.

Sitting in the little restaurant booth that day, we, the moms, chose to make a commitment that we wouldn’t let that happen to our friendships. We wanted to keep our bond through the later years. We had a different relationship from the one our kids had. They were brought together by an activity. While we were brought together by that activity too, we had already been through the growing up years of learning what friendship is all about. We grew together through those activities and commonalities. We needed each other on a different friendship level. We are growing older together. Our friendship has inherent complexity due to where we are in life. We treasure the bond of being females raising females, and females old enough to go through losses of various kinds. When you find a friendship that’s the real deal, you know it is worth keeping.

Females need to have deep, lasting relationships. I don’t know exactly what it is, but the connection of sharing life’s challenges and successes, the laughter, the tears, the support, all seem to make life easier in a sense. As my daughters continue to grow into their adult years, I’m enjoying the change from telling them what to do, to being there as a friend to hear what choices and discoveries they are making on their own. This friendship is one of the greatest rewards of parenting. I remember feeling that with my mom when she was here, and I still feel it with my mother-in-law. That is the part I enjoy with my fellow mom friends. We share our challenges and successes, a great gift to be thankful for!

So what is my random rambling all about this week? Relationships of family and friends are true foundations for enriched life. Like I said before, when you find the real deal, you know it is worth keeping.

Thanks stopping by, enjoy your relationships – if you’re missing them, reach out, if you’re enjoying them, thank them, and always treasure them! Next week’s foundation – Fitness (Fueling for Life).

PS – Photography for the week. I have taken the lessons slow this week. I’m one of those “I’m so sick of winter” Wisconsinites, getting outside to take pictures I definitely something I’m looking forward to. Until then, there’s the pets and one drift that I’ve found fascinating to watch.